I wonder how much the employees get paid to stay in character the whole night I could not imagine having an awful day and then coming to work and have to refer to all of my customers as “Agent.” Not all heroes wear capes. Everyone addresses you as “Agent,” which is interesting. It’s decked out in Russian spy gear and gadgets and ornately decorated with booby traps and pictures of political figures and famous people-with something slightly off about them. This place is unlike anything I’ve ever seen. By all standards, th e night was off to a very weird start. “Welcome agents,” our waitress said, Agent Bombshell. After a few moments of confusion and a couple of “We’re stuck, oh my god where do we go?”’s, we finally found the door into the restaurant. In other words, a very uncomfortable situation. We entered a skinny, blacklight-lit tunnel with fingernail scrapes and more Russian on the walls- kind of like the ones you see in P.O.W. Watching your friends make “Hi-ya!” noises and pretend they actually know what they’re doing is hilarious making eye contact with them while they’re doing it is priceless.Īfter our skillful moves we’re accepted by the seemingly pleased employee, we were buzzed into our first secret passageway of the night there were lots. As the obviously pristine Karate masters we are, we didn’t hesitate to start kicking and air-chopping. Our challenge: show off your three most perfected Karate moves. Because of our inability to read the hostess’ mind, we were asked to perform a challenge. After we all piled in the cramped room, we were asked, “What is the secret password?” What is the secret password? How are we supposed to know the secret password? After guessing “Pineapple,” “Watermelon,” and “Safe House,” we were politely asked to stop, as we clearly did not know the secret password. It’s not everyday you get to see America’s most attractive president looking more like an extraterrestrial than a nice looking man. We opened the heavy door only to be greeted by a theatrical woman in a scary costume sitting under a giant black and white picture of JFK, only his eyes were lit-up and moving. As it turns out, you have to walk further down the dingy abyss to get to the real front door, which, as it turns out, is a slab of rusting metal painted with scary Russian letters very promising. My friend Katya tried to open it, and, of course, it’s locked. As we walked further and further down, we found the door to the restaurant. Having to walk down a dark, “kind-of” road to actually get there didn’t make my reasoning for choosing this place any clearer. You are speaking with Secret Agent Margaux, how may I help you,” I had very mixed feelings about wanting to eat there for fear of my livelihood. Recalling the phone call I made to the hostess earlier that day, and her questionable response, “Hi, thank you for calling the Safe House in Unknown, Milwaukee. He was being completely serious with his instructions, so we reluctantly walked outside toward possibly the end of our lives. The concierge at the hotel a block away didn’t seem as concerned after giving my friends and I some rather sketchy and concerning directions regarding how to get to the Safe House, a top-secret Soviet spy-themed restaurant in “Disclosed Location,” Milwaukee. Sure, I will voluntarily walk down an ill-lit alley in the heart of Milwaukee. “Turn right, then make a left down the alley, and you’ll see it.” Yeah, okay. Our waitress was great, maybe not super attentive but it's a pretty casual place where people like to linger so it was fine.A wall mural sets the scene at the Safe House. I wanted to give him a special tip at the end but he had stepped away. Bless his heart, I think our kids wore him out asking him to keep doing all his tricks and he was such an inspiration to them that a magic kit was bought the next day at the mall and the kids put on a show. Most popular of all was the magician working at a bar area in the back. He did enjoy it.anyway the place was lots of fun and the kids were all completely entertained the whole time.our local relatives loved showing all the "secret" areas to the rest of us. I told our group in advance not to expect a great meal but we were all very happy with our orders! Except when we paid the bill we realized my son, at the kids table, had ordered a $28 "Jack Bauer" steak meal.while the rest of us had $9 meals. We recently visited Milwaukee and had SafeHouse on our list.and the reviews I'd read led me to believe the food would be pretty blah.
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